When do we accuse the partner of not being loving? [Part 2]
9:
Your partner always wants to be right: Her opinions are the only ones
that seem to matter. Meanwhile, your opinions are reduced to being
nothing but vague judgement. But if two opinions are put into an
arena, is there really a winner? Both opinions are just that:
opinions. None is a fact. One cannot be right and neither can the
other. By wanting to always be right he refuses listening to your
opinion. It doesnt count, therefore you conclude that you dont count.
10.
Your partner always wants to fight: Everything you say is a judgement
and it escalates from one false interpretation to another until it
boils over. During those judgements words and actions are exchanged
that are offensive and aggressive, defensive or passive-aggressive.
Aggression is a characteristic of hate. You conclude your partner
feels more hate than love towards you and that he accepts hurting
you. Therefore, there cannot be love.
11.
Your partner is unpermissive or too permissive: He never allows you
to do anything he doesnt want you to do. He doesnt respect your right
to some personal freedom. If you cannot be free, you cannot be happy.
If he doesnt want your happiness, he cannot love you. Or your partner
is always permissive, you can do as you please. But even when
something bothers him, he still allows you to do it. He doesnt say
no. Therefore, he doesnt care if harm comes your way. You condlude,
that a partner suppressing your will or not seeing any will of his
own cannot love you.
12.
Your partner is arrogant: It doesnt matter who and what you are. She
is always better, always superior. She wants you then to feel
inferior. If you are an inferior being compared to her, your worth is
near zero. ou conclude, that since you are not worth much you cannot
be loved.
13.
Your partner is vain: She feels like a prize and you begin feeling
like a trophy, down-graded to a material being rather than an
intellectual one. If your net worth are bones, flesh and physical
attributes, your soul and heart are nothing but unneccessar baggage.
If your heart is baggage, you conclude that you cannot be loved,
because there is no room for love.
14.
Your partner is pompous: Your partner constantly tries to emphasize
the importance of the things he does and says. You begin wondering if
these are signs of a terrible self-esteam. You lose respect of your
partner, because you see him building esteam only on top of your
strenght. You feel abused as a means for generating his self-esteem.
You feel leeched upon. Once he sucks you dry, you die. If he is
willing to see you drained, he can therefore not love you.
15.
Your partner is cold-hearted: Every you open up, there is a cold icy
breeze coming your way from her. The warm feelings you spill become
frozen into dry ice. Eventually that ice cracks and you begin feeling
the pain of every single crack. You get frozen again and again. The
cracks fill and crack again. This is torture. You conclude that she
cannot love you if she is willing to torture you.
16.
Your partner is cruel: You want your wounds to heal and you entrust
your partner with your wounds, believing that he can help you heal.
But he shoots you down, every time again and again exactly where it
hurts. With all the sadness you have, you cant seem to move him. He
is a rock that has no emotions, only defensive strategies to brush
you off. He accepts drowning your emotions in his sandy bag of
cruelty. He can therefore not love you.
17.
Your partner is merciless: You try to forgive and to be kind in doing
so, to not hold a grudge and to attempt to start over again. But your
partner continues being bitter. You go towards him to try to have
another talk, because you want your issues solved. You wish to show
him that you have forgiven him or are the very least trying to do so.
Your hope is that he will do the same. But he doesnt. He remains
merciless, while you are on your knees being generous with your
forgiveness, which was so difficult to come by. Your parents or
someone else in your life has early on tought you that unconditional
love is built on recurring forgiveness as the foundation to it. He
doesnt forgive, his love is therefore build on conditions. A love on
conditions is a foundation on few wobbly legs. He doesnt seem to want
to change that and he seems accepting of that foundation in this
state being able to crash at any point in time. He cannot love you,
because he is not willing to build a stronger foundation. He watches
while you are being burried underneath the remains of it. You
conclude, that someone who is not willing to puthis pain aside and
would rather continue causing you pain, cannot possibly love you.
All
these reasons are malleable. Changing the outcome requires both
partners to find which of the above reasons apply to them each. The
reasons for each partner may very well differ from the other. Only
once they have been discovered and truly understood, an actual
potential for change comes to life.
Posted in: Psychology
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